We've all been there.
I quickly took care of my daily duties, particularly pertaining to our four legged friends who live under roof; grabbed up my coffee and a bottle of water, and left the house.
This morning, all I knew was this deep craving to "go there" with Him; not a building, but a place so deep in my heart the thought caught my breath.
I slipped into the driver's seat and started the car.
Almost immediately, before even leaving the drive, I heard Him.
"Deborah, am I enough?"
My heart sank. I knew what my answer was in this moment, as He too knew.
"No, Lord, not in this moment, but I long for You to fill me such that my answer is YES, Lord - You are MORE THAN enough always."
I rode on in silence, meditating on His hovering, tangible presence... His question.... and my stripped down, completely exposed answer.
I have found that when I am in a long-endured season that demands more of me than I know I have, I have to fight off discouragement with a vengeance; a radical, God-breathed vengeance.
I recently heard a well-known pastor state discouragement is a choice, implying we can simply choose not to be discouraged. After meditating on this supposition, I disagree. If discouragement were merely a choice, the Apostle Paul wouldn't have written pages filled with contention towards it nor would he have written about the need to persevere through it.
Discouragement comes when there is a great call that delays or when the battle tarries.
Through it all, I have found that the underlying fracture contained in EVERY human soul, exposed by discouragement, is the question, "Is He enough?"
Blessed is the soul who dares to hear Him ask the question AND answer Him.....honestly.
Only then can He move in and be to us MORE THAN enough.
If you are struggling today.... perhaps a widow or a widower... learning to do life without a human partner....perhaps you are an abandoned spouse... physically, emotionally, or spiritually..... perhaps you are battling a diagnosis... perhaps you are battling thoughts of failure and a broken heart concerning a wayward child.... perhaps everything is going great, but there is this gnawing in your spirit you just can't quench.....perhaps... perhaps....perhaps.... after all, a void is a void....and let's just stop pretending, shall we? WE ALL HAVE AT LEAST ONE. Do you find yourself hearing Him ask you, "Am I enough?" -- will you then be open and honest with Him?? ... He's asking because He's the answer... BUT you must courage up and answer Him with the stripped down, completely exposed answer.
Paul knew the question well. I ponder to myself just how many times God came to Paul in the quiet of the battle... in the quiet of the discouragement.... in the quiet of the calling... and heard, "Am I enough, Paul?"
I know He did because Paul wrote these most profound words that only someone who was asked that pointed, heart-piercing question AND answered honestly would then know: "God is able to make every grace overflow to you, so that in every way, always having everything you need, you may EXCEL in every good work." (2 Corin. 9:8)
Oh, indeed, Lord.... You are enough....more than enough.....
And once again, my spirit is renewed, and its course set to heights yet unknown....
To Him Alone Be ALL the Glory.