Six and a half months since I last wrote. In truth, I have felt compelled during those six months to write out of a sense of obligation, but that sense of obligation was not Spirit directed, but flesh directed - and thus ignored.
Christmas week I felt that same flesh driven obligation; after all, it was Christmas. How could I remain silent? Then came New Year's, and the same plaguing thoughts came. Yet again, I had no choice but to silence them, even as I was in my silence.
During these six and a half months, I was painfully aware that Joy In The Morning's sites - both blog and web - were being visited time and time again by precious people in China, Korea, Turkey, Cuba, etc.... places of pain and oppression, and yet there I was in a place of unrelenting silence.
So why now? Why break the silence and write now?
Simply put, this morning I heard the Lord say, "Break the silence;" and thus my release has come. What I will share, I will do so in as Godly of a manner as is possible. If you have followed my writings for any length of time, you know I write real. I don't mask. I don't write from supposition. I write from real life experience and the lessons I learn walking this life given to me with God, as my Creator. My readers sense this about me, and from the feedback received here at JITM, it is like a healing balm to them as much as it is an on-going healing balm to my own experiences in sharing them.
What I will share here did not start six months ago. Though it has a defining landmark of six months ago, it has had numerous landmarks over the course of twenty five years. But, I'll focus on the most recent landmarks dating back to January 2015, and move forward in writing as the words come.
A year ago, I was sitting with the Lord as I do at the end of every year and the beginning of the new one. My heart was heavy. It would be dishonoring to go into the details, but it surrounded the condition of my marriage. A particular morning in January 2015 I unloaded my cares and burdens upon the Lord, curled up in His lap, and rested a good long spell. He concluded our time with two pivotal elements: a vision and a command. These two elements have been my bearings this past year through the few sun-filled days, rainy days, and days of fog-so-thick-I-could-not-see-beyond-the-next-minute-kind-of-days.
In the years of walking with the Lord, I have discovered and tasted the definition of God's comfort far too many times to count. While I am forever thankful for His comfort, much like the strength He has so faithfully bestowed to me through the years, I confess there are times too numerous to count where I surely wish they were not so required. God's comfort that I speak of has never - not once - been a pillow to my flesh. No, even now a tender smile crosses my countenance as I reflect on the coupling with Him through the years. What is a pillow to my spirit's heart is a leather belt to my flesh's backside. Without fail, every time I unload in His presence, He illuminates His character through His Word most tenderly, putting my flesh into checkmate and calling my spirit up to soar. Make no mistake; as lovely as this perhaps sounds in writing, the challenge it bears to one's being is far from lovely.
God's ways truly are mysterious and when walked out
in-step with Him minute by minute will leave the mind flat-lined. This is impossible to explain, but once experienced, completely understood. It is the truth of:
"Let the wicked forsake their ways and the unrighteous their thoughts.
Let them turn to the Lord, and He will have mercy on them; and to our
God, for He will freely pardon.
'For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways,' declares the LORD.
'As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.' Isaiah 55: 7-9
(This would be an excellent time to pop over and
slowly read the entire
fifty-fifth chapter of Isaiah, if so inclined. Scroll over Isaiah for the link.)
So what were those two elements that directed my path for the entirety of 2015?
Have you seen the move "Love's Enduring Promise"? If not, this won't mean nearly what it will mean to those who have seen it. Nonetheless, I shall do my best to describe the scene as the Lord reviewed it with me for His purpose that faithful January morning. The father in the movie was injured beyond his ability to plant the necessary seeds that would yield the necessary crops to sustain the family's farm, so it fell on the eldest daughter while the father's life-threatening injuries were addressed. The scene the Lord put before me that January morning was that of the eldest daughter - on a hot day - wrestling the horse-pulled plow -- hands bandaged and bleeding from the arduous preceding days' labor.
Coupled to that vision, the Lord stated, "Get out of the field."
I can't tell you how relieved my being was to hear those five words. Again, without going into details, it has been a long, arduous, twenty-five years. And while left to my own choice, acknowledging the folly of the human mind that I would have without a doubt chosen a different (easier) walk altogether, those years in fact took me on a profound path with God I am convinced few souls have taken. As God as my witness, I would still be at the plow had He not released me this time a year ago.
In truth, I did not stop and ponder all the "what if's" in January 2015.... I simply obeyed and left the field.
No turning back... no turning back.
Shortly thereafter, in the quiet of yet another morning with Him, tenderly He said, "It's time to take the fatigues off." With tears rolling down my cheeks, He removed the well-worn fatigues and wrapped me in the most beautiful gown my spiritual-eyes had ever seen.
At times of doubt this year, He has beckoned me to His mirror with words of affirmation, "My dear daughter, you did what I asked of you through the years, now rest. You are on an approved 'leave of absence'."
Though on a "leave of absence," this year hasn't been a bed-of-roses. Not unlike a recently-returned-solider-from-battle, I have felt displaced at times and have wrestled with PTSD. As the saying goes, "Once a solider, always a solider," but I have learned through His coaching to nurture parts of myself that were put on the back-burner all these years
.
Being a solider in the spiritual realm is not anything one ever retires from - nor should they aspire to retire this side of Glory. But not unlike physical war, God, the one and only General, decides the "when, where, what, and how" of spiritual battles. I may not have had my fatigues on this past year.... and to-date, now two days into 2016, but make no mistake on this point: I am and forever will be a solider to be reckoned with in God's military, with my spiritual eyes and prowess sharp, and my skills wholly intact....
"For
we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities,
against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world,
against spiritual wickedness in high places." Eph. 6:12
In this world, people --- even those closest to us -- will be used as pawns to tear down God's beloveds. And yes, there are times when righteous boundaries - both spiritual and physical - must be fortified and vehemently guarded. As I wrote recently on Facebook:
"Godly-authority at its core sets boundaries of righteo
usness
that evil cannot cross, though it may try. The setting of boundaries is
not a choice nor should it be to the believer. Permit me to offer you a
word of encouragement, my fellow-boundary-keepers: evil does not come
meek and mild. It comes with a vengeance to destroy. The force at
which it comes must be met with The Great Force, released in and through
us by the Spirit of the Living God. We are living in a day an age where
evil is coming to us. We no longer have to go to the dark alleys to
find it, and those courageous in the Lord will be the only ones
standing when the bridge goes down. I'd say the majority of what I have
done in my lifetime to date has been misunderstood by many, but I am
not aiming for their approval... and neither should you! 'Fear only the Lord, and serve Him in truth with all your heart.' I Sam 12:24"
The context of the bridge reference is in regard to the "Lord of the Rings" scene found
HERE. And as I stated on my Facebook post, if you haven't seen the movies, don't let the end of this clip deceive you... the end is not as it appears to be. Righteousness always triumphs over evil.... always.
I know not in-full what 2016 holds, but I know who holds both my future and my orders, and in that wisdom, my confidence rests secured.
To God Be ALL the Glory now and forever!
With love,
Deborah
