Finances, Family, and Faith! Oh My!

It has been on my heart in recent weeks to speak to those with young children or no children (yet!) about what is directly ahead of many in the coming years.

Correct me if you see anything other than what I am witnessing, but what I see are countless Christian families out of alignment and just barely getting by.

So, I take time today to speak honestly and humbly to those willing to hear and receive a bit of counsel on the subject of  finances, family, and faith.

Refusing to look head on at these elements is delusional living, and as followers of Christ, that type of living is sinful, childish, and detrimental.

This is not a provocation to fear.  God has provided and will continue to provide for His own their needs.  While He does so, we, as parents, must act responsibly;  not according to wants, but according to wisdom.  

So that said, let's dive in!

Recently, my eldest son was conveying his thoughts concerning provision verses entitlement and passivity during a wonderfully engaging conversation.  Wisely, he said, "God does provide, but it does not happen with me just sitting on the couch."  Amen, my son; amen! 

The first part is for us to be found WORKING. 

Now wives, let me speak to you for a moment....heart to heart.  If you do not have children, full-time work is completely within your scope of choices.  However, when children enter the picture, THEY become your first priority.... your full-time work.  

Please keep in mind that what I am about to say is not all-inclusive, across the board.  I understand that there are circumstances, such as the loss of a spouse or divorce, that challenge alignment function. Nevertheless, I challenge you to inspect your own family's alignment for areas that may reflect a usurping of position or authority.   I see a growing issue of misalignment in Christian families where the wife/ mother is working both inside and outside the home .... often, for one of two invalid reasons:  1) to support the "stuff" the family has labeled as "need" when in fact that stuff should be labeled as "want"  and/or  2) to make up for the husband's passivity or lack.

When a male provides for his family, it produces testosterone in him --- which is a stress RELEASER for him.  It's how God wired him so as to be enabled to do what needs to be done for the well being of his family.  As he blesses his family with provision, God blesses him with a stress reducer.  However, when a woman works as the main financial provider, THAT too produces testosterone in her -- which dominoes into high levels of cortisol in the body -- which becomes a significant stress PRODUCER in her! 

Don't like that news?  Do the research.  Elevated levels of testosterone and women don't mix.  The evidence is overwhelming.  It results in low-thyroid function, sleep deprivation, insulin resistance, low sex drive, and  more. 

Mothers, you do a dis-service to your husband's "maleness" when you step in and usurp his God-given role as primary provider. Pray for him. If he is passive, pray until God knocks him out of that state! If he is giving it all he can, then look for ways to cut your overhead -- even if it means down sizing your home or  getting rid of  the extras such as cell phones and cable TV.  How about join a food coop?  There are so many creative ways to save money! Budget sacrifices might be a must, but DO NOT attempt to take his place. You were not innately wired to do so by the Creator!  If you try, you will receive a BURDEN, not a blessing! 

As an aside, let me briefly share a tidbit from my past.  My husband went through unemployment in 2000.  During that time -- a two year, two month stint -- I was offered not one job, but two jobs out of left field.  Neither of the two jobs was solicited, and let me tell you, both jobs would have stoked my ego!  But when I consulted God, He said,  "No" -- both times. I honored His answer.  The result?  My husband continued to grow up into the Godly man he is today -- one who is used by God to provide a powerful and peaceful nest for me and our children.  Finances are but one tool -- a very effective tool, mind you -- that God uses to shape our character.  Far more than your finances -- He is interested in exchanging, transforming your flawed character for His perfect character.  Your flawed character doesn't go down without a fight, so you can either help kill it by agreeing with God, or you can fight against Him in defense of that flawed character.  I recommend that you help kill it  God's way works! Question is are you giving space and time for His way?

Moving on.  

The following is now addressed to husbands and wives collectively.

The expenses associated with children only increase as they age. That is a fact.

So in light of that KNOWLEDGE, my exhortation to you is: apply WISDOM today as you decide in the "now" moment where and how you spend and save your funds, that which has been granted to you  to steward over. 

Picture a few years ahead of your "now" moment with the "knowns" of today.  Have you taken the time to lay out an estimation together - as husband and wife - on a spread sheet of the known expenses coming down the pipe for at least this year? 

Did you just gag or choke at the mention of "spread sheet"? 

If you find you can't take that foundational step in stewardship, then I strongly suggest delusion is already afoot in your life.

And don't look at the spread sheet as an instrument of choking out the Spirit!  He is not daunted by a spread sheet -- a "skeleton" chart.  He'll add to it and subtract from it guaranteed!  That's the beauty of understanding stewardship!

And an additional word of wisdom,  do NOT make that spreadsheet out on the hope of  monetary increase.  Make the spread sheet out on the CURRENT family income! 

If your family experiences an increase in the coming years, GREAT! Give God PRAISE and receive it as a blessing! But you should not plan tomorrow, next month, or next year on the speculation of increase.

A steward, by definition, manages current provision.  The MASTER is the one who determines the "if" and the "when" increase stewardship comes.

As the saying goes, "Man up and grow up."   You can not properly steward something you are not willing to take a hard look at and assess its current state.

Granted, you will not be able to see ALL the dynamics of the coming years, but much will be able to be  ascertained through resources online or from those a bit "further down the road." 

Be very careful about big purchases such homes and cars because what you purchase NOW, you will have to SUSTAIN as your children grow.  Remember with due diligence that as they grow, so too will their financial needs grow.  You are not exempt from this dynamic. If you think you are, you are deluding yourself! 

Sure.  Pennies can be pinched and stretched, but they do have limits on both those abilities! 

Look back over the past year.  Did you stress the bigger bills? The smaller bills? Did you have funds for  proper maintenance over what is already in your possession? 

I know these are hard questions -- even painful, to some.  But they MUST be answered honestly!

If you "barely" made it in 2012, did so with government aid, or didn't make it at all in 2012,  THAT is a clear indicator increase or "addition to"  would be wholly unwise at this point.

If your  home is not "in order" (ie: if you are currently struggling or just barely getting by or already living on government assistance), GOD will NOT instruct you to take on MORE.   Did you hear that?    He absolutely WILL NOT!

Now that might seem commonsense to most, but I have seen time and time again that the desperate or those struggling to hold on to hope actively grab onto false hope and listen to voices that twist and pervert the character of God's goodness. 

Those false voices say things like, "Well, God did give you this dream, didn't He?" or "Well, you know you do have this as a 'need' and God said He'll provide your needs." 

So the person then moves out in what they call faith (but it would be more accurate to call it assumption) -- and then wonder why they are sitting across the table from me or a financial counselor -- or worse yet, a bankruptcy judge --  within a brief period of time after adding the proverbial "more" they were so sure was a 'need' --- all the while, stressed to the hilt -- praying for a miracle over the financial mess THEY self-created.

Keep in mind, a newer car carries higher car insurance premiums and a higher tax bill....not to mention a monthly payment, unless you paid cash for it!

Keep in mind, the bigger the house, the bigger the utility bills each and every month, as well as higher home insurance premiums and higher property taxes .... not to mention the increased annual upkeep expenses. 

EVERYTHING must be looked at head on for what it is....
not what you hope it will be!

Again, if you find you are already living "tight" -- do NOT increase "stuff." 

If you have food, clothing, and shelter, your NEEDS are already met.  Anything above those are WANTS.

Resist the temptation to call "wants" needs!  If you do so, you are lying to yourself -- and worse yet, trying to sell that lie to God.

It's okay to express desires to God, but it is NOT okay to make demands.  HE is God.  You are not.

God desires you to live within your means comfortably WITH margin.  For some, you need to stop and re-read that ONE sentence again and again until it sinks in, taking special note of the two words: with margin!

Do you live with margin -- otherwise called excess, "breathing room", "money to be given away"  -- NOW?
If the answer is "no" to that question, additions of "MORE" is folly.

When He finds you able to live comfortably with margin, it gives Him the liberty to increase OR not.  Shocker, I know to many -- but the decision to increase is HIS choice....not YOURS.   It is not an entitlement!

But whatever you do, do NOT seek for and strive to make happen the increase FIRST and His provision SECOND.   You WILL meet with calamity if you follow that plan!

Are you listening?!   Oh, I hope you are!

I have seen WAY TOO MUCH mis-management of finances in Christian homes, and the resistance to stop the insanity and get back to the basics is unreal at times! 

It breaks my heart to see family after family following the path of so many, thinking if they "do" (ie: add thus and such) -- then they will successfully force God's hand to provide. That method has NEVER worked and it will NEVER work.  Period.  You have to submit to HIS way... not the other way around!

May God bless each family with increased wisdom.   Remember, we are stewards, not owners!  Steward wisely!

Godspeed!
Deborah
www.joyinthemorning.com