As a Christian, I ask my fellow Christians the question because I do not believe we do.
I want to give you three excellent "tools". The first is a meaty video that will help in identifying which relationship you have. It is an important first step. I believe everyone in a relationship - even those desiring a relationship - should take the time to hear it all the way through. It will set your mental wheels to spinning both in the now and the future so you can more readily recognize the warning signs of a difficult relationship transforming into a destructive one. The second tool is brief and pointed. I wholeheartedly agree that selfishness is THE component that turns a difficult marriage into a destructive one. And the third tool is a wonderful teaching on "men covering women", what it looks like, and the cost of such a relationship, keeping in the very forefront the Truth: "Apart from Me, you can do nothing!" John 15:5
None of us are in totality devoid of selfishness this side of Glory. As a result, we, as Christians, must be on guard against the mentality "what's in it for me." Asking that question is not what defines a destructive marriage, but it does define humanity in its degenerate state.
A significant mark of the Christian is actively putting to death the degenerate self by seeking the care of those in our lives more than that of ourselves.
Ask the tough questions!
Seek the tough answers!
Do what is RIGHT!
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